I need to set boundaries and teach people how to treat me. Do you struggle with setting boundaries and teaching people how you want to be treated? I will answer the last question first.
I was talking to a friend; she asked me: Have you considered teaching people how to treat you? My response was, huh, what. Are you saying teach grown people how to treat another grown person? She said yes. Let me just say I was puzzled and confused. She explained sometimes people may not know what you want. Therefore, they will treat you however they want to treat you. Meaning you can end up being angry, hurt, offended, etcetera if the person does not know how you feel about their behavior, how do they know how to change their behavior? In my defense, shouldn’t everyone know right from wrong? In my friend's defense, it is not about right or wrong because everyone is different. Now, this was beginning to make sense; I hope this is making sense to you also. For example, I may be sensitive, and others may not be as sensitive as me. They may have tough skin. Therefore, teaching people how to treat you is all about having a conversation, an authentic conversation. This conversation must be effectively communicated to the person, or else it may not go as planned. The goal is to be treated in a way that makes you happy. We all choose happiness, joy, and peace. Correct?
Effective communication gives you the opportunity to teach people how to treat y, and you will be able to determine if this person is worthy of your time and effort.
Here are a few things to discuss with that person:
Talking to you like You are a child.
Stop the bossiness (let’s work together)
Things we discuss in confidence, don't repeat in front of others
Discussing my personal issues in front of someone I had never met *Ouch, that could hurt!*
Be a truth teller friend
Gossiping about others
Remember, prayer works. Pray for discernment and ask God to help you to be a good friend. You must treat people the way they want to be treated as well. The way you think people should treat you, you should treat them the same way. It should be a mutual exchange of respect.
While in St. Thomas, our tour guide, Mr. Joe said something that would stay in my mind forever. He said, “the energy that you give is the energy that you will get.” In other words, be kind to others and do all things with love. The Golden Rule in the Bible is “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” **Luke 6:31 and Matthew 7:12**
As adults, we must set boundaries with everyone. It is not disrespectful to set healthy boundaries with your mother, father, or anyone older than you. No boundaries will drive you insane, insane in your personal life and your work life. Hence, you must take into consideration of your own actions as well by avoiding unhealthy behaviors. The purpose of setting boundaries is very similar to teaching people how to treat you. Putting boundaries in place is a form of self-care. It gives the other person a clear picture of what you will or will not allow in your day-to-day life. Boundaries allow you to draw the line. Here are some ways to set healthy boundaries:
Clearly verbalize your limits
Hold yourself accountable
Do not be scared to say the N-word *NO
Make Non-negotiable boundaries
Make sure your needs are being met *physically. mentally, spiritually….
Focus on your feelings
A small takeaway:
Teaching people how to treat you lets them know what behavior is acceptable and unacceptable. Setting boundaries is setting limitations and eliminating the act of feeling intruded upon. They both are good for your well-being and are a form of self-care.
I hope this written dialogue was helpful.
Self-Care with Sabrina